Forgiveness

I know it's been awhile since my last posting and more than one of you have gotten after me for that. There is a reason for it. And that is because in the past few weeks, my life has been more about serious matters than the fun and humor usually found on blogs. I have debated within myself whether or not to blog about this because the things that have taken place in my life are very special to me and I was afraid of opening myself up too much to other people. But blogs are really about sharing your life with others and this is what is going on in my life right now...besides, all of you who read my blog are friends and family that I would feel comfortable sharing these things with if I had the opportunity to talk with you one on one. So at the risk that some of you might find this too intense, I'm posting it anyway. This posting is about what is real and what is sacred to me.

H. Burke Petersen is an emeritus general authority. He also happens to be in my ward. He has also been visiting with my ex-husband, Pete, since our divorce in January. I didn't know that they were meeting as often as they were until I found out a couple of weeks ago through my bishop. Brother Petersen asked me if I would meet with him to discuss some things. I was mostly curious and of course obliged. Through this meeting, I discovered that Pete still loved me and had a desire to get me back. But I also found out that he had been on a difficult personal journey through Bro. Petersen's kindness, directness, and inspiration. He had been the one who wanted me to meet with Bro. Petersen. I was overcome with emotion and shock. Bro. Petersen made it clear that he was not trying to put us together again, but wanted me to have the opportunity to forgive Peter. This was exactly what I was needing and I felt my heart changing even as we visited. I had tried to convince myself over the past few months that I had forgiven Pete, but I knew that I hadn't because only anger and resentment flooded my mind whenever I thought about him. So my solution was to simply not think about him or my marriage. In summary, I told Bro. Petersen that I could not possibly get back with Peter, but that I was happy that he was finally able to recognize his part in all of it, gain a softer heart, and perhaps finally find true joy.

Apparently, Pete wanted to meet with me and I told Bro. Petersen that this was possible as long as Pete understood that it didn't mean we could get back together. The ground rules were laid and a meeting was planned. Bro. Petersen told me many times that Pete was nervous about seeing me again because he had very tender feelings towards me. He had discussed with Pete and I separately what the objective of our meeting would be and ultimately it was about burying the hatchet and parting on good terms. This meeting took place last night at Bro. Petersen's home. We took 2 hours to talk about very sensitive things and my heart has finally healed. I know that Pete is still in much anguish about how he treated me and he told me how sorry he was for everything. He took full responsibility for the demise of our marriage and acknowledged how hard I tried. I also apologized for my part in our failed marriage. When we were done, Bro. Petersen said that what we had done was very difficult, but that it was right. I felt this as well and have been immensely humbled at how the Lord cared enough about me at this time to allow this whole experience to happen. I am so grateful for Bro. Petersen. Nobody asked him to befriend Pete and help him change his life. He wasn't asked to step in and be a mediator in a relationship that most people had forgotten about or given up on. And yet, if he hadn't done that, it could have taken me years to get my heart to where it is now. He is truly a man who lives by the Spirit and understands the big picture.

I know that some of you who knew Pete and me during our marriage will doubt Pete's sincerity. All I know is that Pete was as real as I've ever seen him last night and I'm proud of his desire to make things right. He's struggled and continues to struggle with forgiving himself, but I told him that I have forgiven him and I thanked him for helping me do that. He is having a hard time realizing what he should have done when it was too late to do anything about it, but he is also in the best place spiritually than he has ever been.

Without going into more detail, the timing of this meeting was also impeccable. I have seen many tender mercies in this past month that have led me to where I am today. Finally free of anger and able to move forward in my life with complete peace.

Salem Days

I know I don't have a picture to go along with this post, but Devon gave me a lecture on updating my blog so I'm feeling I should write something. The good news is, about 30 seconds ago I finally ordered my new camera and so pictures will start to be a part of my postings more regularly. However, I think that I made the cut on other's blogs over the weekend so feel free to link and see if I was blog-worthy or not.

Grandma Anderson turns 85 this month and so we celebrated on Saturday with a family reunion and memories of her life. It was a lot of fun as usual to see cousins, aunts and uncles and to eat scrumptious food. Then we endured the Salem Days pageant to finally witness a great, but too short fireworks display (perhaps it was due to the downpour we sat through to see them). But we had a great time nonetheless.

One of my favorite moments of the weekend was yesterday when my niece Ava came running up to me and asked as serious as could be, "Where is creepy Jaron?" over and over again. I was laughing so hard I couldn't respond. Seems that is his name since she continued to say it the rest of the night. It was good to see Jaron and dad if even for a little while. I have too many family members on the east coast and I wish I could see them more often, but I'm glad we all make efforts to stay in touch.

Welcome to my blog

After much thought and consideration (and urging from my mom and friends) I have decided to finally join the blogging world. I seriously doubt my ability to update often since I feel my life is not very blog-worthy (no kids or husband as of yet). But co-bloggers assure me I will start to find things to blog about.

Unfortunately, I do not have a camera presently to put up some pictures of my latest adventure with the girlfriends this weekend. But perhaps they will post the ones we took and maybe you can link to their blogs. However, I did win the biggest prize at IHC in a random drawing and will be able to get a new camera soon with my $800 Dell gift certificate! Yeah! So stay tuned - once I figure out my new camera I'm sure I'll have loads of pictures to share.

So back to my adventure. For years now my high school girlfriends, Laraine, Charlyn and Shellie have been talking about doing a girls' weekend but it never happened. This year we finally planned a weekend and I booked the hotel. We just went to Park City and I was so excited about our room because the pictures online were so amazing! Well, we met on Main Street, ate lunch, and then went to check in after wandering the art festival booths for awhile. After we checked in, we went to our room where we found the most disturbing sight of our lives. The couch literally had tears in the fabric and the love seat which probably used to be a white and green gingham was so filthy we didn't dare touch it. The carpet was stained and there were dark lines of something (we think mold) going down the walls. The decor from 1987 included wood carved bunny rabbits and a rocking horse. The TV was probably a 17" and had wires coming out of it from all directions. We were so disgusted that we asked for another room (but not before we took pictures of the evidence). There were no other rooms because it happened to be the weekend of the Kimball Arts Festival. We were teased with another room that was incredible and the front desk guy told us we could have it, but his supervisor nixed that idea and said it was owned by a company that only used it for it's employees. So we found out the hard way that the Silver King Hotel was actually a bunch of condos owned by individuals and so you never really knew what you were going to get. Well, we got a dang good laugh but then ended up staying in Salt Lake City because everything in Park City was booked.

On our way to SLC, we witnessed a car fly off the road and roll over. I dutifully stopped and went to check out the accident with some other witnesses, but the single passenger got out of the car seemingly unharmed. So after a few minutes of assessing the situation, I decided I wasn't needed and we continued down the road. By now it was 9:00pm and we were hungry. Not 2 miles from the accident that we saw, the highway went down to one lane. Of course there was absolutely no construction going on at that hour, but we were held up anyway because that's what UDOT does to Utah drivers all summer long. We finally got to a restaurant 15 minutes before they closed and ate some yummy food (happily, there is no story there). We stayed up until 2am talking and laughing about our crazy day and then did some shopping today. I just got back and have to say how much I love my friends. It's been 16 years since we graduated high school and I'm so glad that we are still so close. We lead very different lives as I'm still not a mom, but I enjoy hearing about their kids and I try to share stories about my nieces and nephews so I can fit in :).

So in this first posting for my blog, let me just say how grateful I am for a wonderful family and amazing friends. All of whom I feel blessed to have in my life and thank you for sharing yours with me.